Wow it's been awhile, but I have to admit, I've never really been great at writing in blogs. I have the desire to do so, but I'm just really not great at keeping it up. I'll try, I'll try!
It's funny that I'm acting like a million people read this...but just in case...I'm pregnant!!! I'm still nervous and even though I'm 13 weeks along, I still can't fully relax. One thing about having miscarriages is that it robs you from any enjoyment you could have in pregnancy. Don't get me wrong, I am enjoying this as much as possible, but the anxiety is always looming over my head. But today I'm pregnant, and I love it! I've already had three wonderful ultrasounds, and I'm faithful that we will have a healthy, beautiful baby come December.
I've always told myself that I would go back to work after I had babies, but geez, even just being able to get further along in pregnancy, I feel like my priorities are shifting quite a bit. It could be that I'm frustrated with how utterly stressful and pressure-filled my job is, or it could be baby. Or it could be both. As a bank manager, the whole world lies on your shoulders. That is, the world that is your branch - the branch's goals, the branch's financials, the branch's morale, the branch's overall well-being. On top of that, trying to partner with different lines of business is impossible because they expect you to do their job for them. Like you don't have a full enough plate already! My manager is the worst of micro-managers - honestly I'm surprised he doesn't make us track when we go to the bathroom. I come to work and I have to come with a positive attitude and I have to be the cheerleader everyday. As logical as that may sound, and you may think "well yeah, everyone should do that" it can get really tiring sometimes! I have worked so hard to get to a management position, and I truly cannot say that this is what I want to do for the rest of my life.
I have an opportunity to go to a Customer Service Manager position. This is a step below my position now, but it's still a management position. I would manage the tellers, or the service team. I would be in charge of the operations of the branch, coaching of the tellers, and keeping the branch operationally effective. The position is in the town I live in, the branch I used to manage. The current CSM is retiring and honestly, the reason I left in the first place was to go to a bigger branch. It would be so nice to be so close to home and to be able to not have the whole branch's well-being resting on my shoulders. I wouldn't have any sales goals, and it wouldn't be my job to manage that at all. Sounds like a dream right now. I'm afraid that they won't keep the pay I make now, and that's really my only issue. If they could do that, then I don't see why not.
But again, I feel like I'm taking a step back. But like my hubby said "it's not a step back if you're happy." Such a smart man. Sigh
Saturday, June 2, 2012
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Feeling down and out
So sorry for the lack of blogging lately, but the holidays have taken over my life! But unfortunately, nothing new or exciting to report here other than the holidays were fun and hectic, family filled, and now the holidays are in the past!
Took a pg test today and negative AGAIN. The nurses and doc have all assured me that I'm doing everything I can and that it's only a matter of time. I just can't help but feel like I'm doing something wrong. Maybe I need to lose weight again? I was down to about 123 at one point and with the holidays I'm up to 129. Ugh. You wouldn't think 6 lbs would make difference but maybe it does? Argh sometimes I want to shoot myself because of my millions of failures.
I need to look on the bright side. I'm incredibly lucky to have J, he is amazing. Maybe God is just giving us some time alone. Sigh, I just have to remain faithful and believe that the time will come for us to have children. I just hope it's soon!
Again the holidays were busy as we hosted Christmas for my side of the family this year! I love them, they are all so incredibly hilarious. It was good times, good food, and good laughs.
Of course I can't have a post without mentioning my dear sister in law, who thinks the world revolves around her. The three girls pitched in for a present for my mother in law, and on Christmas Jenna and Kelly asked me if I could go over to my MILs house and give her the present the next day with them. (Christmas was hectic so we wanted to wait) I said possibly, but it was my one day to relax and I didn't want to commit. They said they'd call me and let me if they were going to do it. Well in any case, J's uncle and aunt were visiting from Idaho and wanted to come over and visit the next day as well. They invited my MiL to come along, so they all came over around 4. So around 645, Jenna calls me and tells me she's on her way to my MiLs to go give her the present. Mind you, this was the first time I'd heard from her all day. I tell her that my MIL is at my house but I thought she might be leaving soon. She huffed and puffed and said she wasn't going to bother going over there since my MiL wasn't home anyway, even though I told her that she would be leaving my house soon. She said that was okay, and she would just go home. I knew she was irritated, but gave her the benefit of the doubt and thought she was just having a bad day. Well she calls me later and tells me she's sorry for being so short with me, but that she was frustrated because I didn't call her to tell her that my MiL was coming over to my house. First of all, I didn't know she was coming over. Second of all, J's uncle was the one that invited her. Third of all, I shouldn't have to tell her if my mil wants to come over! She said its hard for her to get the kids in the car and out of the car, etc etc....which I totally get, but why did she wait to call me ?? She should have called when she was still at home, before leaving! Not my fault. Kelly didn't seem to care that my mil was at my house, so I don't know why Jenna was throwing a big hissy fit. Anyway, she apologized and I said that I didn't mean to piss her off, but honestly didn't think much into it. She is so frustrating!
Anyway that concludes my wonderful re-entry blog. :)
Took a pg test today and negative AGAIN. The nurses and doc have all assured me that I'm doing everything I can and that it's only a matter of time. I just can't help but feel like I'm doing something wrong. Maybe I need to lose weight again? I was down to about 123 at one point and with the holidays I'm up to 129. Ugh. You wouldn't think 6 lbs would make difference but maybe it does? Argh sometimes I want to shoot myself because of my millions of failures.
I need to look on the bright side. I'm incredibly lucky to have J, he is amazing. Maybe God is just giving us some time alone. Sigh, I just have to remain faithful and believe that the time will come for us to have children. I just hope it's soon!
Again the holidays were busy as we hosted Christmas for my side of the family this year! I love them, they are all so incredibly hilarious. It was good times, good food, and good laughs.
Of course I can't have a post without mentioning my dear sister in law, who thinks the world revolves around her. The three girls pitched in for a present for my mother in law, and on Christmas Jenna and Kelly asked me if I could go over to my MILs house and give her the present the next day with them. (Christmas was hectic so we wanted to wait) I said possibly, but it was my one day to relax and I didn't want to commit. They said they'd call me and let me if they were going to do it. Well in any case, J's uncle and aunt were visiting from Idaho and wanted to come over and visit the next day as well. They invited my MiL to come along, so they all came over around 4. So around 645, Jenna calls me and tells me she's on her way to my MiLs to go give her the present. Mind you, this was the first time I'd heard from her all day. I tell her that my MIL is at my house but I thought she might be leaving soon. She huffed and puffed and said she wasn't going to bother going over there since my MiL wasn't home anyway, even though I told her that she would be leaving my house soon. She said that was okay, and she would just go home. I knew she was irritated, but gave her the benefit of the doubt and thought she was just having a bad day. Well she calls me later and tells me she's sorry for being so short with me, but that she was frustrated because I didn't call her to tell her that my MiL was coming over to my house. First of all, I didn't know she was coming over. Second of all, J's uncle was the one that invited her. Third of all, I shouldn't have to tell her if my mil wants to come over! She said its hard for her to get the kids in the car and out of the car, etc etc....which I totally get, but why did she wait to call me ?? She should have called when she was still at home, before leaving! Not my fault. Kelly didn't seem to care that my mil was at my house, so I don't know why Jenna was throwing a big hissy fit. Anyway, she apologized and I said that I didn't mean to piss her off, but honestly didn't think much into it. She is so frustrating!
Anyway that concludes my wonderful re-entry blog. :)
Friday, November 11, 2011
Hunting and painting
J has been gone for a week hunting in MT. Did I already mention that? It has surprisingly been really nice and it makes me miss him. :) It has made me realize that I never really "miss" him , but more that I don't want to be without him. There's a difference there, I swear. We just see each other so often that we don't get a chance to miss each other!
This week, I've spent a lot of time with Kelly and its been nice. We've just watched movies, painted, and drank some lavender mochas. Yum! Really, it's been relaxing. I had today off (veterans days) and I've absolutely loved the stormy weather. Unfortunately, a section of our fence in the backyard fell down....dammit. At least J comes home tomorrow
.
This week, I've spent a lot of time with Kelly and its been nice. We've just watched movies, painted, and drank some lavender mochas. Yum! Really, it's been relaxing. I had today off (veterans days) and I've absolutely loved the stormy weather. Unfortunately, a section of our fence in the backyard fell down....dammit. At least J comes home tomorrow
.
Monday, November 7, 2011
Why am I up so late?
J is gone hunting for a week in Montana with his brothers and dad. I'm actually doing pretty well and enjoying my time alone for the most part. That is huge for me! I'm usually a pretty big baby when it comes to him being gone, but I think I've mentally prepared for this pretty well. Success at being less stressed!
The other day J bought me an iPad! I am kind of freaked out about how much money it was, but i think he was feeling bad because he recently bought a motorcycle to save on gas. That obviously wasn't a pretty penny, but I guess it saves in the long run. I just worry about him everyday. At least his commute is pretty short. So anyway, I think he was feeling bad about that and also for leaving for a week. We both decided we're not going to do Christmas gifts and maybe birthday gifts this year! Ha!
If you're not already watching it, check out the tv series "once upon a time!" It completely feeds the little girl in me when it comes to fairy tales, and is extremely addicting. I love it!
I need to sleep, yikes!
The other day J bought me an iPad! I am kind of freaked out about how much money it was, but i think he was feeling bad because he recently bought a motorcycle to save on gas. That obviously wasn't a pretty penny, but I guess it saves in the long run. I just worry about him everyday. At least his commute is pretty short. So anyway, I think he was feeling bad about that and also for leaving for a week. We both decided we're not going to do Christmas gifts and maybe birthday gifts this year! Ha!
If you're not already watching it, check out the tv series "once upon a time!" It completely feeds the little girl in me when it comes to fairy tales, and is extremely addicting. I love it!
I need to sleep, yikes!
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Best pot roast ever
If you have a crockpot, just put all of this in the pot in the morning, and enjoy the aromas and of course the yummy freaking food when you get home from work!
One 5-6 lb. roast (shoulder roast works pretty good)
2 cans cream of mushroom soup
1 package onion soup mix
1 1/4 cup water
Mix mushroom soup, onion soup mix, and water in the crockpot. Sear the roast on all sides just to lock the juices in. (I sprinkled it with garlic powder, salt, and pepper before putting in the pot) Place roast in crockpot and coat with soup mixture. Place on Low for about 8 hours, or high for about 4 hours. Voila!
I tossed in some carrots, potatoes, and onions when there was about 3 hours left. SO EASY and SO good.
One 5-6 lb. roast (shoulder roast works pretty good)
2 cans cream of mushroom soup
1 package onion soup mix
1 1/4 cup water
Mix mushroom soup, onion soup mix, and water in the crockpot. Sear the roast on all sides just to lock the juices in. (I sprinkled it with garlic powder, salt, and pepper before putting in the pot) Place roast in crockpot and coat with soup mixture. Place on Low for about 8 hours, or high for about 4 hours. Voila!
I tossed in some carrots, potatoes, and onions when there was about 3 hours left. SO EASY and SO good.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Woes of the ugly stepchild
Well, of course my in-laws did it again. I have to remember that their birthdays and things of the sort aren't about me, but I am so tired of always being the last to know about events, dinners, etc or being completely forgotten about! I am trying so hard to be stress-free, and I really shouldn't let small things like being told about a dinner party 4 hours before it happens get to me....but they do. I take things really personally, and I can't help it. That's just who I am. I know that they're scatter-brained and things like that are put together last second, but it seems like everyone else knew about it except J and I. Would you like to know how I found out about my brother-in-law's birthday party?
Well Jenn and I had been recently talking about taking pictures of her and her family this Saturday, but up until yesterday, I still hadn't her from her about it. So I texted her with "Hey, have you talked to Jack about pictures Saturday? J's co-worker was wondering if I could come to a mary kay party that morning, and I told her I had to talk to you first since I know you wanted to take pics" She texts me back with "We don't have to take pictures. I haven't been able to talk to him about it." HOW HAVE YOU NOT BEEN ABLE TO TALK ABOUT IT IN THE LAST 2 WEEKS? Come on, really? If it's that hard to communicate with your husband, you should not be in that relationship. And I could just smell guilt trip coming from that text like it stunk like crap. I texted her back with "Really? I don't mind taking pictures. Just let me know what Jack says, I'll let J's coworker know by tomorrow afternoonish. So of course, I never heard from her. I let it go, I decided to give up that Saturday morning and not go to J's co-worker's thing, and just waited to see what Jenn said. I ended up caving in this morning with a text saying "Hey, I don't have to do the mary kay thing anymore, so if you want to take pictures we can." And she replies "Okay, sounds good, I'll talk to him tonight. And I'll see you tonight anyway."
What??
I texted back "You mean you'll call me tonight? Am I missing something?"
"We're having dinner at (insert mother in law's name here, we'll call her Mary) for Jack's birthday, I'll call you later."
So there. That was the first time I heard about it. I asked J if he knew anything about it, and all he knew was that his mom said to him yesterday "Oh, you can't go to the party tomorrow cause you're working huh?" assuming of course he already knew about it. He didn't, but he played it off like he did, which I don't understand. He didn't bother to tell me because he thought I already knew about it. Well I didn't!
Mary texts me today saying "Hey Melonhead! Will we see you today after work ?"
I text back with "I just found out about dinner, I'll be late."
Mary: "Oh! I thought I sent you a text yesterday but I guess I didn't hit send....forgive me please??"
Me: "It's okay. I just get frustrated because I feel like the ugly stepchild that is always the last to know everything or gets completely forgotten about. I have an appt at 430, will be there after."
Mary: "We'll see you then and even if you feel that way it's not true."
That was the end of that. Why do I get my feels hurt so easily? Am I stupid and irrational? Good thing I have an acupuncture appointment today!
Some things that make me feel more relaxed and some things that make me happy when it comes to fall....
Well Jenn and I had been recently talking about taking pictures of her and her family this Saturday, but up until yesterday, I still hadn't her from her about it. So I texted her with "Hey, have you talked to Jack about pictures Saturday? J's co-worker was wondering if I could come to a mary kay party that morning, and I told her I had to talk to you first since I know you wanted to take pics" She texts me back with "We don't have to take pictures. I haven't been able to talk to him about it." HOW HAVE YOU NOT BEEN ABLE TO TALK ABOUT IT IN THE LAST 2 WEEKS? Come on, really? If it's that hard to communicate with your husband, you should not be in that relationship. And I could just smell guilt trip coming from that text like it stunk like crap. I texted her back with "Really? I don't mind taking pictures. Just let me know what Jack says, I'll let J's coworker know by tomorrow afternoonish. So of course, I never heard from her. I let it go, I decided to give up that Saturday morning and not go to J's co-worker's thing, and just waited to see what Jenn said. I ended up caving in this morning with a text saying "Hey, I don't have to do the mary kay thing anymore, so if you want to take pictures we can." And she replies "Okay, sounds good, I'll talk to him tonight. And I'll see you tonight anyway."
What??
I texted back "You mean you'll call me tonight? Am I missing something?"
"We're having dinner at (insert mother in law's name here, we'll call her Mary) for Jack's birthday, I'll call you later."
So there. That was the first time I heard about it. I asked J if he knew anything about it, and all he knew was that his mom said to him yesterday "Oh, you can't go to the party tomorrow cause you're working huh?" assuming of course he already knew about it. He didn't, but he played it off like he did, which I don't understand. He didn't bother to tell me because he thought I already knew about it. Well I didn't!
Mary texts me today saying "Hey Melonhead! Will we see you today after work ?"
I text back with "I just found out about dinner, I'll be late."
Mary: "Oh! I thought I sent you a text yesterday but I guess I didn't hit send....forgive me please??"
Me: "It's okay. I just get frustrated because I feel like the ugly stepchild that is always the last to know everything or gets completely forgotten about. I have an appt at 430, will be there after."
Mary: "We'll see you then and even if you feel that way it's not true."
That was the end of that. Why do I get my feels hurt so easily? Am I stupid and irrational? Good thing I have an acupuncture appointment today!
Some things that make me feel more relaxed and some things that make me happy when it comes to fall....
Pumpkins!
Last rose of the year
Fallen leaves
Crochet
Monday, October 24, 2011
New friends? I think yes!
All last week, I knew that Sunday was going to be a test of my patience. Sunday consisted of 1) taking senior photos in the morning in Ethel, which is 60 miles south of where I live, at a dairy farm. 2) My cousin-in-law's 30th birthday at 3pm and 3) a pumpkin party at J's co-worker's house in Buckley, about 45 mins from where we live. So, a lot of driving around, dealing with family, and dealing with people I don't know.
The pictures weren't too bad, the worst part was just how stinky the place was. The pictures had the nice rustic, farm look, which I don't usually get to capture, so that was nice.
The party was supposed to be "low-key" and yeah, it wasn't. The entire family was there, which is fine, but overwhelming. Oh, so side story-my sister-in-laws and I were all trying this new way of curling our hair without heat, and it actually turns out pretty cute. We told my mother in law about it, and yesterday she had run into Kelly at the store. At the birthday party, me, Jen, and my mother-in-law were sitting together (kelly didn't go), and my mother in law says, "oh! I saw Kelly at the store today and that no-heat curl looks really good on her! She has the perfect hair for it, just like you." She was looking at Jenn. Not really sure why she said that but it kind of hurt my feelings. I'm sure she didn't mean for it to be rude and I'm sure she thought it was cute on me too....but come on, think about what you say!
The pumpkin party was great! We didn't know anybody else but J's co-worker, but they were fun people. We had cider, carved pumpkins, and had a ping pong tournament. I beat J. ;) it was good times, and I really think they'll become some good friends of ours. We get along really well and they were already talking about having us over for Christmas. :)
So all in all, I held it together. At least the pumpkin party was the last of it. But I was super extremely tired when I got home! Here is to less stress!
The pictures weren't too bad, the worst part was just how stinky the place was. The pictures had the nice rustic, farm look, which I don't usually get to capture, so that was nice.
The party was supposed to be "low-key" and yeah, it wasn't. The entire family was there, which is fine, but overwhelming. Oh, so side story-my sister-in-laws and I were all trying this new way of curling our hair without heat, and it actually turns out pretty cute. We told my mother in law about it, and yesterday she had run into Kelly at the store. At the birthday party, me, Jen, and my mother-in-law were sitting together (kelly didn't go), and my mother in law says, "oh! I saw Kelly at the store today and that no-heat curl looks really good on her! She has the perfect hair for it, just like you." She was looking at Jenn. Not really sure why she said that but it kind of hurt my feelings. I'm sure she didn't mean for it to be rude and I'm sure she thought it was cute on me too....but come on, think about what you say!
The pumpkin party was great! We didn't know anybody else but J's co-worker, but they were fun people. We had cider, carved pumpkins, and had a ping pong tournament. I beat J. ;) it was good times, and I really think they'll become some good friends of ours. We get along really well and they were already talking about having us over for Christmas. :)
So all in all, I held it together. At least the pumpkin party was the last of it. But I was super extremely tired when I got home! Here is to less stress!
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