Sisters

I've always wanted a sister. Don't get me wrong, I love my two younger brothers. They are smart, funny, and awesome, but I'm a girl and I've always wanted a sister to share clothes and secrets with. Now I know sister-in-laws are different, but when I got married I was pretty stoked that I'd be gaining 2 sisters. Unfortunately for me, it's not really what I expected and actually has turned out to be quite the opposite. I love my sister-in-laws dearly, but tend to find myself feeling like the 3rd wheel a little too often. J is the middle of three brothers, the oldest being Jack and the youngest being Ken. (not real names of course!) Jack is married to Jenn, and Ken has been dating Kelly seriously for about 4 years now. (I call her my sister-in-law because she pretty much is and it's easier)  All three brothers and their dad are firefighters, and hubby is the only one that works in a different department and a different shift. Naturally because of schedule conflicts, J and I get left out of a lot of dinners, events, yada yada. It's okay really, we're used to it by now and we get a chance to enjoy our quality alone time together. But, as you can probably imagine, there are a lot of times where I feel like we're the odd couple out. Like this weekend, where Jack, Jenn, Kelly and Ken went to Leavenworth without inviting us.

There's a much longer backstory here, but the short of it is: Jenn and I have never had an easy relationship. We're just very different. She likes to be competitive - I don't really care either way. She loves to be surrounded by people - I enjoy my time alone. She likes to give her strong opinions - I try to be tactful and not offend people. She's also incredibly moody, and I never know which version I'm going to get. She's also had this possessive nature and sense of entitlement over my husband's family because she was the first "girlfriend" to come along, and it's really quite annoying. We've had some great times and she can be really fun, really sweet, and caring, and I know she would be there for me in a heartbeat. It's just never been easy. Kelly and I, on the otherhand have always had an easy relationship. She's 7 years younger than me, and actually lived with us for a little bit. She's pretty easy-going, has the same sense of humor as me, and is overall very sweet. We've had some good times just watching movies and drinking coffee, and playing video games with our boys. When Ken started on the same shift as Jack and his dad, Jenn and Kelly started spending a lot more time together, which makes sense. I'm sure I would too. Naturally, I constantly feel left out and a little bit jealous of their time together. I also feel like Kelly isn't the same, and in some ways, is starting to act like Jenn a bit. It makes me sad, but I figure I really should just suck it up and move forward. But when they decided to leave us out of their little road trip to Leavenworth this weekend, I just about had a mental breakdown about this entirely f'ed up situation. Neither of us were working yesterday, why wouldn't they have bothered to even just invite us? I'm sure the excuse was "well we didn't think you guys would come" but how would you know if you don't bother to ask? I guess the way I see it is, we're family, regardless of whatever you think we're going to say, an invite should always be given. No, we're not always going to want to come to every trip, every event, and every party. We are married afterall, and enjoy our time alone. I also work Monday-Friday 9-5pm, so I don't have all the time in the world. But, you should always ask. I know I would. Especially for a little road trip!

I feel like I'm being a big baby, but I guess this whole thing really hurt me. I think it's been hurting me for a long, long time. It's constant and I can't seem to make it go away. I'm hoping that writing about it will help. J and I argued about it last night. He just doesn't seem to get why I can't just let it go and why it bothers me so much. I often wonder how he doesn't feel left out when his two brothers and dad are constantly doing things without him, but he is a dude afterall. Things like that don't affect men like they do women. Sigh.

I feel really ashamed about this, but I basically told J that I wanted to try to have very little contact with his family for awhile. I guess I didn't say earlier, but we live in a very VERY small town. J grew up here, and my in-laws all live at the most 7 minutes away. This can be convenient at times, but for the most part I feel like I can't get away. So I need some space. J has graciously agreed to also minimize his contact with his family (someone will call him at least once a day) to help me come back to sanity. But unfortunately, we've tried this before but there's always a birthday or some big event where we eventually end up having to see them. His dad's birthday is this weekend, and I don't want to be a bitch and not show up. But it just goes to show that I will never be able to get away from the madness. It's such a huge stress in my life, and I can't seem to get away from it. But again, I'm hoping that writing about it will ease how heavy it is on my heart. We'll see!

Now, I know this has been insanely long, but since I'm on the topic of sisters - I am extremely grateful for my best friend, Sola. I've known her since 1st grade, and she pretty was like a sister growing up. And we only lived 2 minutes away from eachother! We went to a Boyz II Men concert last night and they were AMAZING. We were such huge fans when we were in highschool, but we never got to see them in concert! We had such a good time, and it's always a breath of fresh air when we get together. We live about an hour and a half away from eachother, so it can be hard to get together sometimes, but it's always worth it. To this day, she's still the only person that knows everything about me and the only person that I know for a fact would never judge me. I know this because she never has. I love her!